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Living as a Hypocrite

As soon as I hit publish on my blog yesterday, I got a call from my daughter’s kindergarten. A small bookshelf fell on her foot: could I come and pick her up? It sounded both suspicious and not that big of a deal, but I figured if they bothered to call I should probably drive over.

I walk in to pick her up and they have her laid out on a table with a blanket like Juliet in the last scene of the tragedy. C’mon, this is a bit much, I think. Her toe is wrapped in tissue. Soaked in blood. They pull it back to show me, and it is GRUESOME. The whole top of her middle toe is half off.

Cue feeling like a horrible mother. (She ended up with stitches and was a total champ).

My friend texted me after I told her what happened. “Remember you are good under crisis.” I am quite good in these situations. I snap into action and feel comfortable in a hospital. It was one of the reasons I wanted to be a nurse. Unfortunately, I am extremely sensitive to sleep changes. And frankly, crisis situations aren’t great for your immune system either. No night shifts in a nursing uniform for me.

You see, I have an autoimmune condition that forced me, kicking and screaming and crying a lot, into the position I am today.

I have to turn my phone off at 9:30 pm every night. I have to eat breakfast no matter what. I have to take careful consideration of my food choices, how much water I’m drinking, and whether or not I’m holding on to any negativity from a fight or even a news story. All of these seemingly disconnected things factor into the amount of inflammation in my body. I can get really sick, and I can’t afford to be sick.

Years ago, I started working as a health coach because I had learned so much from my journey to health after illness and if I learn something you better believe I’m going to want to share it. But I’m going to let you in on a little trade secret. Not everyone follows their own advice.

I knew what I should eat, how I should sleep, how much sunlight and exercise and connection I needed. But I thought I could swing it sometimes. I thought I didn’t really need it, that it was “recommended.” I learned the hard way that the body doesn’t work like that. At least not forever.

Hands up if you’ve ever read about the benefits of exercise for mental health and then promptly scrolled to the next article. Yup, me too.

Except I was a coach! I taught people how to live in harmony with their bodies and souls! I felt like a hypocrite and it was eating me up inside.

I’m a believer in G-d, as an observant Jew. I believe nothing happens by chance but is beautifully orchestrated by a divine and loving Creator. So when I got really sick, depressed and even ended up in the hospital, I knew it wasn’t an accident. If I was going to teach others about a balanced lifestyle, I better be living that way.

Today I can proudly say that I still eat hot dogs and sometimes read too late into the night. But for the most part I feel authentic (my most precious value) because I treat my body and soul well. And now when I coach women, I can honestly say “I’ve been there. I know. It’s really hard. Do you want to work on a plan together?”

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